Growth Mindset: From Competition to Connection
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Alex: [00:00:00] I am not very competitive like at all, but I refuse to give up on myself. So where most people may play for trophies, I play for pizza and I play very hard for pizza. I believe this comes from my time in high school where I was a track and field athlete and. You know, I'm running the 100, the two, the four, and I, I want to be good.
Of course, I don't want to be last. Um, so I look at competition and I see the competition, but mostly I'm looking at what I am doing and, and how I fit within that competition. So. Uh, outside of practice, I am going to, was it, I think it was stack.com and I will look up what Tyson Gay does, you know, like [00:01:00] for his workouts.
You know, I'd, I'd watch videos of you seen Bolt and I'm just, I'm, I'm watching them. And I'm observing and I'm seeing what they're doing so I can apply it to, to myself. I, I've never looked at the guy in the left or right lane and said, I can beat you. Um, it's always, how can I improve upon myself? Now that was high school.
I'm, I'm still that way, but that was high school and I wanna fast forward to earlier this week, Monday. I am, I'm with the twins. I'm with my son, and my son and I are having just the greatest day. I mean, just everything's firing, you know, we're, we're, we're vibing, we're eating together. I'm, I'm actually, you know, drinking water while playing with them, uh, which is big.
You know, I'm handling three. Um, and we're playing with race cars. I, um, I, I, I tape these pieces of, of paper together and I like, it's. Stuck them onto [00:02:00] this piece of furniture. And I created a ramp, like a downhill ramp. So now we're racing the cars, we're trying to see which one goes faster, which one goes further.
I mean, it was just the perfect day. And then Wednesday, the script completely flipped. and we couldn't gel, we couldn't vibe, we couldn't. Find ourselves on the same page to get along in, in any way, shape or form. And there was a, a few screaming matches, um, that I, I lost , it was just bad.
And my wife comes home and I'm telling her, you know, about, about what happened and. Be before, I can't even finish the story. I, I kind of stop, uh, like a mid, mid story in telling her every, everything that had happened. I say, you know what, I'll be right back and I go back to [00:03:00] doing something that I did in high school that, that.
And I go to my coaches about, I, I I, I go to an expert. It is really what I do. I, I just reflect and I say, look, this is what he did. You know, my competition in quotes, and this is what I did. Right Now, he's like two and a half going on three. And sure there are like the terrible twos, but, you know, but I think, you know, speaking for myself, I like, I can be a terrible parent, right?
Like, is there any way, is there anything that I could have done to make that better? Right. So I, um, so now I'm, you know, I'm going on chat, GPT and I, I want to know, you know, what, what's a book that I can use to like, better discipline to, to better, um, you know, connect with my son so that we can have fewer days like Wednesday and more days like what happened on Monday.
And I come across this book, anti Drama Discipline, by Daniel [00:04:00] Siegel and, uh, Tina Bryson. And you know, I'm, I'm listening to this book and I'm like, this totally makes sense. Absolutely, totally makes sense. Like when, when that. What what made sense to me is like when they're having this tantrum, when, when, you know, like I can see them like, like having some pushback to anything that I'm saying or suggesting or even instructing, you know, like their, their, their emotions.
Can't handle what is happening, and they don't have the vocabulary or lexicon to like say what's going on. So they just act it out.
So I'm listening to this book and I've, I've begun applying it, right? So, uh, like last night, he's, we're wanting to give him a bath and like, read him stories and then eventually go to bed and he's, I don't wanna go to bed, you know, he is crying. I don't want to go to bed. I want to sleep over since bed. I want to sleep here.
I wanna [00:05:00] sleep on the couch, I wanna sleep outside. He wants to hang out with us, right? So. Remembering the, you know, I, I've been practicing and it's getting better, but remembering, you know, the, the instruction from the book, you want to connect with them. So I, I go over to 'em. I don't have to like hug them.
I go over, I, I put my hand on them and I say, Hey, um, you're having a lot of fun with mommy and daddy. Man, like if I were in your shoes, I, I wouldn't want the night to end either. I mean, I, I would, I love hanging out with you and I'm, I can tell you you really want to hang out with us, but, um, I, I know, I know we're gonna have a lot of time to play tomorrow and Well, if you don't go to bed now, if you don't go to sleep in your own bed, then you know, you might be too tired to hang out with us tomorrow.
You know, you, you might want to sleep in where we can wake up and, and eat your cheerios and, and things together. I know I'm, [00:06:00] I'm, I'm tying in all these sort of like, like feelings, you know, like there's, excuse me, there's this feeling of like missing out. There's this feeling of, hey, maybe we can expend the fun.
Um, so I'm like, I'm leaning into that and I can see the wheels in this head turning and the very next thing that comes out of his mouth is. Okay. Okay. Orison, go to bed. And my wife looks at me like, what, what is that from the book? And I'm like, yeah, it is from the book. You know, you connect with them. And anyway, I I, I tell her, I'll, I'll tell her when she comes back out and, and I'm, and, and I'm telling you like it's, it's.
I, I, I didn't know what to do on Wednesday, so I screamed or yelled and it, it, it's something that just happened like naturally. It was sort of animal instinct. Um, and I was uneducated, right? I was uneducated on, [00:07:00] on how to address, um, this sort of pushback coming from, you know, like a 2-year-old.
So I, I sought out some help, right? So thi this mindset that I have, I will equate it to a growth mindset. And it's when we get frustrated, when we don't like the way things are going, we can always change that we, we. There are resources out there that are available. You know, again, I, I looked for like chat GPT on like a book, but maybe it could have been like a YouTube video.
Maybe it could have been like an actual expert, like a, like a talk therapist, a family therapist. But it's just something that I know I, you know, due to my own like temperament and the way that I learn, I just know I, I'm going to very easily listen to an audiobook. I can fall asleep to it. I can watch dishes to it, you know, it's simple for me.
[00:08:00] And I, I use that to get better. Now, I'm not gonna stop with just this book, right? I'm gonna continue to learn and of, of course, I'm gonna apply everything that I'm learning to, to my daughters one day. And, um. But I, I, I plan on just continuing to learn and grow. And so I invite you, um, either as PTs or patients or whomever, if, if there is something that, you know, just doesn't sit well with you, you know, at the end of the day you're wondering.
You or you're thinking to yourself or you know, telling yourself that that was a terrible day. Like, I really don't like what happened. You know, it's could be with your spouse, with your boss. What's something you can do? I. What's something you can do, um, to, or maybe what's an expert or who's an expert you can reach out to, to learn how to have fewer days like that.
So I wanted to [00:09:00] leave that with you.. I'll catch you next time
